Back-Scratcher Beleaguered By Invisible Needle Full Of Itchy Sauce – January 27, 2010
• Friday, December 11 10:16 a.m. A car struck a kid on a scooter at 17th and H streets, and just kept on going on. The youth was unharmed, but the witness followed the car to a Plaza shop and confronted the driver. The driver then came to APD and reported the incident, adding the detail to the narrative that she had stopped and asked the kid if he was OK, and he had said yes, before she left the accident scene.
4:50 p.m. A man who’d had more than a passing familiarity with cocktail refreshments reported a bus running over his foot on Valley West Boulevard. He declined medical attention but an ambulance was called anyway. Next he said the bus had run over the ankle and calf, but his injuries weren’t consistent with the description.
11:34 p.m. Since he had an arrest warrant out on him, a man mounted creative obnoxiousness campaign in order to attract attention to himself and found the sort of success that has eluded him in other realms of life.
5 p.m. A week ago her roommate smashed a bottle over her head, and now she’s having headaches.
• Saturday, December 12 9:38 p.m. A he and she enjoyed appetizers at a no-excuses Plaza tav, then walked out without paying the $8.23.
• Sunday, December 13 7:48 a.m. A man erected a little cardboard hut on J Street, and complained of being awakened by someone beating on the “roof,” brandishing a board and yelling at him to get off the property.
9:41 a.m. A deceased person found on the south bank of the Mad River was later deemed a homicide victim.
1:09 p.m. An argument ’twixt Heather Lane roommates culminated in two face-punches and a head-butting, which led to a blowout fracture of one guy’s right eye socket.
• Monday, December 14 10:38 a.m. Operators of a Ninth Street service center ejected a man who was scratching his back too much. He explained that an invisible person was hitting him in the back with a needle full of something unknown that made his back itch. Police took him to a mental health facility.
12:35 p.m. A woman said her ex-boyfriend, who had been trying to get her car for two days, finally succeeded in doing so by sneaking into her bedroom and stealing the keys from where she had hidden them under her bed. She said he had spent the morning fortifying himself with meth and 10 beers, and what further worried her was he now had the keys to her psychoanalyst office, where she keeps cash and medications. Police located the guy and charged him with car theft.
12:59 p.m. An ex-girlfriend reportedly showed up at a Hidden Creek Road apartment and called the current girlfriend a “bitch,” and shoved her.
2:13 p.m. Her Alliance Road house has become messy and dirty, she last ate the day before and there was no food in the house. A conservator is being arranged.
3:25 p.m. A Shirley Boulevard house sure seems like a grow. Big trucks are coming and going, delivering soil and cultivation hardware.
• Tuesday, December 15 12:23 a.m. Some guy stood outside a Plaza tavern and pretended that he was the bar’s bouncer. In a stunning reversal, he himself was bounced.
8:30 a.m. A Janes Creek Drive home was burglarized, with a shotgun, video games and a mall gift certificate stolen.
9:46 a.m. A backpack stolen from a downtown brewery in March, 2009 contained a mbira, which just turned up at a Eureka pawn shop.
10:30 a.m. When roommates argued over her not having a job, he said she picked up a knife and stabbed a counter.
• Wednesday, December 16 4:11 a.m. When an F Street laundromat was burglarized, some Sheriff’s uniforms hanging in the window may have been taken.
12:05 p.m. A Beverly Drive resident complained that his neighbor was throwing cat shit at his truck and also somewhat more daintily placing said feces on the hood. The neighbor is reportedly upset that the cat poops in his yard. A surveillance system is being installed to capture the potentially petulant poopscapades.
1:32 p.m. The staff of an 11th street business reported a man and woman drove up and took pictures of the place. the burglar alarm has been tripped, too.
1:48 p.m. A bicyclist was strick on Fiickle Hill road.
5 p.m. A woman with purple hair and skirt wandered drunkenly in traffic on Alliance Road, until arrested and taken to jail.
5:05 p.m. After picking his children up from a residential address, a man reported that they “smell like weed.”
• Friday, December 18 8:37 a.m. A man in dreads, an Indian poncho and pajama pants yelled outside a Ninth street service center until ambulanced to a mental health facility.
