It Actually Takes Less Time To Lock Your Car Than It Does To Call Cops – February 24, 2010

Thursday, February 25, 2010

• Friday, January 22 6:49 a.m. Dude, you were warned about camping in Redwood Park. Ticket time.

11:04 a.m. Near the grassy traveler-wallow by the car wash, a shaved black-and-white pit bull was seen covered in cuts and bruises right after the guy in the white truck with the camper shell got done yelling at the beleaguered beast.

3:02 p.m. When it’s party time on the train tracks and you’re waist-deep in a dumpster across town, the fastest way to get to the relocated Fun Bunch World Headquarters is to grab a bike, any unlocked bike (and there’s always one), and pedal your way on down to Samoa Boulevard. On arrival the conveyance becomes extraneous and is best parked, that is, flung into a ditch there, atop the mound of previously-conscripted bikes.

3:46 p.m. A dreadlocked man reportedly smashed his white dog’s head into the ground in Redwood park. Police found it uninjured.

4:01 p.m. A man’s divorce was finalized, so he went to the bank to take ex-wifey’s name off the joint bank account only to find that she’d withdrawn $900.

4:05 p.m. She left her car on Heather Lane, thus donating $450 in CDs and a $300 GPS to a lucky doorhandle-tryer.

• Saturday, January 23 3:29 a.m. A Hauser Court resident awoke to find an alcohol-scented man in her bedroom, and he had an announcement to make. “My body told me to come here,” he declared. She screamed at his body, which may have realized the error of its ways, and went out through the front door. She then found a black hat in the living room, which probably fell off when the guy clambered through the window.

9:19 a.m. An APD ranger encountered a group of people off-trail in the Community Forest. On checking IDs, one was found to be wanted on an out-of-state warrant, and went to jail. Two others were cited for unspecified sleazery.

9:32 a.m. The Plaza was serenaded with rousing trumpet music, inducing dismay and possibly delight for blocks around, though only the former is documented.

10:20 a.m. A catering employee was alleged to have stolen supplies valued at thousands of dollars, and an officer was requested to confront the suspect. But police deemed it a civil matter and advised the business of its options.

11:35 a.m. Skeezy doings were reported in progress at the Carport of Destiny, Adventure and Romance next to a downtown hardware store. Three “transient appearing” subjects – one with a highly incriminating heavy beard – were suspected to be transacting in drugs. Police told ’em to move along.

1:38 p.m. A vehicle that was more or less a rolling advertisement for irresponsibility gained police interest in Redwood Park’s 14th Street parking lot, earning its owner a decorative bouquet of citations for having no driver’s license, offering fake identification and violating probation, then an arrest for outstanding felony warrants issued in Humboldt and Mendocino counties. The vehicle was parked.

4:56 p.m. A guy in a parked vehicle near a Uniontown pizza parlor was said to be “nodding off.” Police found him drunk, arrested him and towed his vehicle.

10:46 p.m. Travelerish-looking people were reported abusing a dog outside a Valley West Asian buffet restaurant. Police found the travs traveling away from the area, with the dogs looking OK.

• Sunday, January 24 12:50 a.m. A flannel-clad patron took a 12er of Steel Reserve from an Alliance Road mini-mart, neglecting to pay for the exquisite potion.

12:54 a.m. The sound of a basketball boinging is magnified beyond all reason at this hour. Police responded to Hilfiker Drive.

11:40 a.m. A big tree fell down at Buttermilk and Margaret lanes.

11:44 a.m. Someone put a fake ad on Craigslist with a guy’s phone number on it, and he started getting calls.

1:20 p.m. A Blue Chevy Blazer pulled up at a Jay Street address, and the driver tried to load someone’s motorcycle into it. On being confronted, he said he “believed the bike belonged to a friend,” but gave up on the loadage and left the area. Some friend.

• Monday, January 25 7:05 a.m. A Valley West parking lot sweeper got into an argument with a traveler, who threw a cup of coffee at him.

4:22 p.m. A Ribeiro Court resident may have considered her vehicle immune from doorhandle-tryers. This turned out not to be the case. A vehicle burglar now has a GPS unit to guide his or her travels.

6:22 p.m. A car was reported doing 80 mph in the U.S. Highway 101 Safety Corridor, on an urgent mission that ended at a downtown brewery. An APD officer went inside and admonished the driver.

• Tuesday, January 26 9:03 a.m. A strange electronic device in a black box was found at the Community Park and returned to City Hall by a Parks employee. The bomb squad determined that it was a contractor timing device.

11:48 a.m. Loose pit bulls frightened a woman and her dog in Redwood Park.

1:39 p.m. A house burglary was reported in McKinnon Court.

3:48 p.m. Syringes littered the train tracks near Fun Bunch World HQ behind the storage yard. Police picked up the needles.

• Thursday, January 28 8:23 a.m. A woman said she felt threatened by a man in a blue sweater at Alliance Road and Benjamin Court who had warned her to pick up her dog’s waste emissions. She believes he has “designated” himself to “watch” people.

9:42 a.m. An officer enjoined campers at the D Street Neighborhood Center, arresting one on a warrant.

10:05 a.m. Another warrant arrest at the train tracks near a Samoa Boulevard body shop.

4:16 p.m.

All four tires slashed

The windshield busted out

Made her late for work

4:46 p.m. A man left his 14th Street residence for 20 minutes, returning to find the door open and his “computer/mushroom” equipment stolen, a $600 loss.

9:07 p.m. After buying groceries in Jamaica, a citizen reported someone using her account to buy music online.

9:36 p.m. A Panorama Drive house smells like “skunk,” and may be in use as a marijuana-drying operation.

• Friday, January 29 11:07 a.m. A nervous-looking man with multiple neck tattoos and a computer backpack removed a grate from a storm drain on Valley West Boulevard, throw a cardboard object down it, then replaced the grate and went over to wait at the bus stop. Police found him “mildly uncooperative,” but located no contraband on him or in the drain.

11:08 a.m. An unlocked car on Irene Street readily gave up its $400 in valuables, including a gym bag, to a doorhandle-trying slithy tove.

1:39 p.m. Officials at a Northtown pizza restaurant expressed concern about the chickens always running loose in the area.

5:19 p.m. Asked to leave a Uniontown variety store, a man in a red jacket didn’t take it well. After hurling a soda at a security guard, he was arrested for public drunkenness at the bus stop.

• Saturday, January 30 9 a.m. A man came to the station complaining that he had lent someone his credit card, and the person racked up $200 in charges. He didn’t know much about the guy, except that he uses the Community Pool a lot. The victim then said he was going to take a walk around town and might feel like talking more later.

9:54 a.m. A C Street resident complained that her partner wasn’t letting her leave home, but then he left and she went to the police station. There she said that he had punched her in the arm while she was on the phone with police.

10:05 a.m. A woman complained that someone had texted her asking for a nude picture, so she called the number and told the person never to text her again. Which he immediately did, making the same request.

2:44 p.m. Druggies were arrested in Redwood Park’s 14th Street lot and their car towed.

6:33 p.m. Two equestrians clopped down Trail 12 with their unleashed black Lab, which attacked someone.

• Sunday, January 31 3:40 a.m. An Old Arcata Road resident who had left his car unlocked heard a noise outside, and found someone inside. Nothing was stolen.

2:28 p.m. Two “transient-appearing” men walked near Seventh and F streets, one of them laughing as he held his dog’s leash high so that its legs didn’t touch the ground.

9:04 p.m. A Redwood Avenue resident said that as he sat on  his porch, his neighbor said “he is going to take us out.” Presumably not for ice cream.s

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