Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Kevin L. Hoover

Eye Editor

ARCATA BOTTOM – It was yesterday afternoon that a downtown employee we’ll call “Veronica” – since that’s her name, after all – was driving home from work via her normal route northbound along Janes Road on the Arcata Bottom.

Litttle did she know that, as she approached the intersection of Janes and Upper Bay roads, Veronica’s life was soon to change – suddenly, permanently… and negligibly.

For there, resting in the middle of the roadway amid the shimmering heat waves rising from the sun-baked asphalt was something never meant for abandonment on a public thoroughfare. Something precious, something gleaming, something dear and, literally, key to the well-being of its owner.

That “something” was a key ring, bearing four keys. And for Veronica, it was time to act. But first, she indulged in a moment’s reflection.

“I thought, ‘Oh, someone lost their keys,'” she said.

Having come to terms with the sudden twist of fate, Veronica was later able to relate her experience calmly, but with vivid detail. “I saw something in the road,” Veronica said, recounting the unexpected discovery.

The keys

As a conscientious motorist, Veronica took appropriate, immediate action.

“A car was coming, so I pulled over and waited for it to pass,” she explained. “Then I got out and picked them up.”

In the fullness of time, with a day having passed since the incident, Veronica is looking to the future – a future which includes the keys’ owner reclaiming them, and everyone moving on with their lives.

The keys are secured on a ring attached to a somewhat battered, apparently run over vehicle remote. Three of them look like door keys, the other a probable car key.

“I hope they get them back,” Veronica said, her eyes gazing into the distance a with faraway look, as though envisioning a better, more idyllic era – one in which everyone knows where their damn keys are.

Speculation was rife among Veronica as to how the prized door-locker/unlockers wound up in the road. One leading theory held that a distracted parent had placed them on the roof of her or his car “for a minute” while securing a child in a safety seat at nearby Pacific Union School.

But that theory holds a fatal flaw: how could the parent have driven away with the car keys on the roof? This and other troubling key-related mysteries may only be resolved with an explanation from the owner.

If you recognize the keys shown above as yours, contact the Arcata Eye at (707) 826-7000. We’ll hook you up with Veronica and your missing keys. For verification purposes, bring another key that matches one of the above, or the car that will go bloop bloop and unlock when the button on the remote is pressed.

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4 Responses to “KEYS DISCOVERED IN ROADWAY! – July 14, 2010”

  1. Thomas Whitaker

    My first gut reaction/thought was that this was going to turn out to be another story about how thieves are luring people to get out of their cars in a rural area and either steal them or other possessions. Or, possibly enact some violence i.e. rape the victim.
    Is it really all that safe to exit your vehicle in the middle of nowhere and leave yourself exposed? Did she turn off and lock her car or leave the motor running assuming that she would “just be right back?

  2. It’s not really in the middle of nowhere. Janes Road is a well-traveled thoroughfare, and this is right by the school, the hospital, United Indian Health Services, the fire station etc.

  3. joey bob

    Wow. What a totally uninspiring story–I actually thought that it might go somewhere. Why is this news??

  4. Joe

    So, the community key mystery investigation continues. Now we have an investigater who is thinking a bit forward… keys, near main areas of business and school, which would definately include car key owners. How about the next step for Veronica (as opposed to Archie, as women have been welcomed into the worldly realms of human interaction and thought) … a note to the respective key holder buildings, so identified above as Hospital, Pacific Union School, UIHS, Fire Station, and you may come up with a few more, like the Plant Nursery on Janes Road. Hummmm. May a bit more communication to these various venues answer the riddle. Test the waters Veronica, or the Eye, This could lead to something big… for somebody!


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