Opportunivores Harvest Vase, Dustpan, Jelly Beans – March 9, 2011
• Friday, January 28 8:49 a.m. A G Street business called about some property being stored in the back room with the permission of the previous manager. The new manager wanted to know if the two laptop computers, cell phone and binoculars were stolen.
2:45 p.m. A malodorous morass of mail and marijuana were found in a G Street dumpster, possibly suggesting that the associated residence was a grow house.
• Saturday, January 29 12:55 a.m. One man’s ceiling is another man’s floor. Armed with this information, Anina Way upstairsers tromped with purpose so as to enmiserablize the downstairsian. Or at least that was the ground level perspective.
2:18 a.m. The party isn’t really over until the street is littered with bottles.
9:51 p.m. A woman called 911 ranting about “controlling CHP officers.”
A tan-panted man
With a spray can and a plan
Painted a Valley West wall
And then ran.
• Sunday, January 30 11:51 a.m. A pair of hunters on lower F Street were warned against it and sent on their way.
A bongo squad started a-blasting
Causing someone a reaction drastic
Cops called to the square
Found no culprits there
Having slipped from the sound-blight taptastic
3:25 a.m. After a party at an unknown address on Stromberg Avenue the previous night, one attendee woke up with a black eye, headache and knuckle abrasions on both hands, and went to the ER.
7:39 p.m. A hitchhiker complained that the guy who ostensibly gave him a ride to McKinleyville instead took him to a wooded area behind a locked gate. The hitcher escaped and called police.
11:42 p.m. A goateed man at a Uniontown supermarket stuffed his pockets with jelly beans and refused to either return or pay for them.
• Monday, January 31 10 a.m. After he stayed at her apartment for two months without paying rent, she locked him out. Police persuaded her to let him in to get his stuff.
10:53 a.m. A parking meter was stolen from Union Street.
11:25 a.m. A man called Eureka Police from Redwood Park with delusional ravings. The complaint was related to Arcata Police, who went to the park but didn’t find anyone near the phone, but…
11:33 a.m. …after closing out that call, a park user told the officer of a man screaming in the area of 14th and Union off the nature trail. Police found a man who had been yelling about homelessness and “other things.” He wasn’t cooperative, wouldn’t answer questions but didn’t seem crazy, so he was advised to calm down.
11:51 a.m. A dropped wallet in a Westwood Center parking lot was swiftly whisked away by an opportunivore, no doubt giddy at the grand groundscore and oblivious to the anguish of the owner.
12:04 p.m. The park howler erupted again and was arrested on a disturbing the peace charge.
10:28 p.m. Three underage-looking girls were reported drinking and peeing on the sidewalk on Valley West Boulevard. One got into a car, leaving behind two girls who started trying to hail cars near the gas stations. Police found three girls and a male, and arrested all on public drunkenness charges. One was treated at the hospital before transport to Juvenile Hall.
• Tuesday, February 1 12:41 a.m. A free-lance belligerator managed to get into a fight in tavern Alley. Police separated and arrested the combatants. A temporarily orphaned dog was adopted by friends in the area.
12:44 p.m. A backpack full of boxing equipment left in a car on the Plaza proved irresistible to a thief.
6:50 p.m. A vase and a dustpan were reported stolen from an upper G Street apartment.
7:57 p.m. A man asking “inappropriate questions” of other men in a community pool locker room was ejected from the premises, but then returned for more inevitable rejection.