Gallantry Is Golden – April 2, 2011

Saturday, April 2, 2011

• Wednesday, February 24 1:15 p.m. A Barstow man allegedly texted his ex-wife in Wichita, Kansas that he was going to “take away everything she loves.” One of these things was her family in Arcata. Police agencies in all three towns got involved.

1:15 p.m. Keep the damn bracelet. Just don’t come back.

1:45 p.m. A 34-week pregnant woman who had allegedly been assaulted by her husband was in a labor room with abdominal pain. With visible injuries to her back, she was afraid to report the husband because he was there and would get mad. Police arrested him on a spousal abuse charge.

2:20 p.m. A process server allegedly got pushy with a lady with babe in arms, trying to shove papers down her shirt.

3:51 p.m. Quality of life factors in Arcata don’t generally include lighting batteries on fire and tossing them onto a neighbor’s deck, as was alleged on Antoine Avenue.

4:13 p.m. Disputants behind a Plaza tavern attempted to settle their differences with knuckles, a procedure which almost never really settles anything, although one participant did settle to the ground with a bleeding face.

5:08 p.m. One donut shop patron accused another of stealing his iPod and sell it. Police contacted the Apple Store to verify ownership, and returned the digital nugget to its rightful owner.

6:36 p.m. A woman said someone called her elderly grandmother the previous night claiming to be her and asking for money. Grandma, trying to help her granddaughter, sent the money.

• Thursday, February 24 6:44 a.m. A man on 10th Street quipped that a woman there was a “fucking bitch,” leading police to warn him and his coarse assessments away.

6:59 p.m. A woman said her son was involved in a “KGB group” – a role-playing game similar to cops and robbers. One group started out from the high school, another from the Community Center. They were to converge on the Plaza between 7 and 9 p.m.

• Saturday, February 26 8:13 a.m. A he-she breakup led to a text message from him which included “ambiguously suicidal” words.

10:24 a.m. That vogue term used to threaten someone without inviting legal consequences cropped up again, this time on upper G Street – “watch your back.”

4:37 p.m. A shop employee said $80 of her personal money was stolen, but she couldn’t review the surveillance video until the manager returned the following week. It turned out that the money had somehow been given to a customer as change.

11:37 p.m. Festivities at a dainty soirée in the 400 block of Fourth Street became slightly unruly when a woman in the parking area started vomiting. A gallant male attendee clad in reversed baseball cap and camouflage jacket rushed to her aid with a somewhat unconventional form of assistance – urinating on her, then running away.

• Sunday, February 27 12:45 a.m. A citizen who found a man wallowing on an Alliance Road lawn loaded him into a car and brought him to APD. He didn’t think he needed medical attention, but then again he could barely say his name, which cast doubt on his judgment not to mention motor skills. He was arrested on a public drunkenness charge.

1:47 a.m. When they catch the idjit who set the Skate Park porta-potty ablaze, he’ll probably blame the Ambien for making him do it, or claim Schizoid Affective Disorder.

2:32 a.m. Madcap funsters in Valley West rolled three dumpsters out into the roadway.

8:45 a.m. Which seems to have exhausted their imagination, as the next objective was to remove the cover and bend a burger stand’s electrical box.

12:39 p.m. Samba drummers at an F Street warehouse were warned to set the sizzle to simmer, a matter of simply closing the doors.

2:13 p.m. Another revision of the Marsh’s guiding vision as a pet owner and a black lab turned the place into a free-range dog park.

8:34 p.m. A Samoa Boulevard apartment dweller wanted police assistance, but then again he didn’t. Repeatedly calling police with what seemed to be partial information that didn’t add up, he tried to balance engagement and evasion with frustrating results for all. He initially asked that officers come to his apartment because he feared for his life as a result of fearful events that began about 2:30 a.m. A woman known only by first name came to the door, forced her way in and stole a backpack. In response to questions, he said it wasn’t her backpack, or his – he just didn’t know whose it was, what was in it or why anyone would steal it. Asked if there was an issue with drugs in the backpack, the caller was silent. Nor could he say why he feared for his life. He did offer that the backpack thief had been calling him every 30 minutes for the past 24 hours. But when asked why she’d do that, he adjusted his statement slightly, saying that actually she wasn’t calling him. Asked why he thought the killers would be outside now, he said he had a “hunch.” He then disconnected the line, only to call 911 over and over, offering more evasions. Police went to his apartment, but his apartment couldn’t be found, and he didn’t answer the phone.

8:46 p.m. When a man and his ex struggled over the car keys, did she fall down or did he shove her to the ground by the neck? The truth is out there on Hallen Drive, along with at least one line of self-serving crapola.

• Monday, February 28 7:25 a.m. A man told police he suspected that someone “dosed” him the previous night, but he was too wiped out to remember what happened. Someone or something also injured his hands. He wanted all this documented, but didn’t want to be a “rat.”

8:17 a.m. A smattering of burnt matches and lighters was found in a school playground.

11:27 a.m. Slithy toves did some heavy lifting when they stole a 300 pound slab of granite from the 1300 block of 10th Street.

12:06 p.m. Sometimes when people pull money out of their pockets in stores, the drugs plop onto the floor as well. A dinky dab of pot was found and destroyed at a 13th Street marketplace.

• Tuesday, March 1 8:04 a.m. Two adult sisters got into a “mutual combat wrestling match,” with one sis bitten on the right forearm. They were directed to anger management resources.

11:44 a.m. Along with an alleged pledge to “kick his ass,” a man alleged that his two landlords were keeping his security deposit and furniture. Ass-threatening stuff-keepers, that’s all they are.

1:57 p.m. The owner of an unleashed dog in Redwood Park claimed that a park ranger had said it was OK to have the romping pooch on an “electronic leash.”

2:06 p.m. A man with an outstanding warrant for his arrest floating around in law enforcement computers didn’t exactly employ stealthy measures to remain incognito. Instead he plopped down on a bench at the transit center, dropped his pants to his ankles exposing his swim trunks, cracked open a beer and sparked up a funny cigarette. As he, a kid who looked like a teenager and another traveler passed around the joint, police arrived and arrested him.

2:30 p.m. A business on South G Street called to report an unexpected cannabis infestation. Before an officer could get there, the business called again stating that someone was there causing an argument. Police arrived and determined that it was a civil matter regarding change in ownership of a family business. The new owner wanted it documented that there was an old grow room in the back, but as far as the cops could tell, it was a legal 215 grow.

4:24 p.m. Though a slithy tove thoroughly rummaged a unlocked Stromberg Avenue car, all it took was the cigs.

4:33 p.m. Two words: loose rottweiler.

The Fetid Morass. KLH | Eye

5:52 p.m. A fetid morass of cigarette butts entombed ’neath a Plaza sidewalk grate caught fire, making lots of smoke,  drawing massive public police and firefighter response which made a much more benignly bitchin’ light show than a fire would have. A hoodlumesque figure in a hoodie had been pissed off in the vicinity a bit prior to the butt inferno’s breaking out, but that’s statistically unexceptional.

9:47 p.m. A dumpster fire broke out and was quenched at some apartments at Fifth and H streets.

• Wednesday, March 2 2:48 p.m. A traveler enjoying a half-pint of vodka at Ninth and H streets was first described as wearing a brown hat. However, a short time later, the same caller recontacted police with an update – the hat was in fact blue. Regardless, when police swang by, no blue-hatted vodka swiller was in evidence. Now its time for Arcata to put this behind it.

2:43 p.m. When a problematic tenant moved out, he left a window ajar, according to the landlord. That made it easy to come back a few days later and steal the washer, dryer, refrigerator and a wrought iron bench all valued at $2,200.

3:55 p.m. No one was impaired. It’s just that sometimes cars go doink.

8:56 p.m. There’s still enough vestigial remnants of civilization left to respond to an Alliance Road apartment when someone there says, “I don’t care if I die.” Fortunately, the person said she was just expressing frustration, and wasn’t about to end it all.

10:05 p.m. Another depressed person not far away in Westwood Court had attempted to address the condition with pills and alcohol. A friend took her to Eureka for treatment.

11:14 p.m. Given his volume level and superintoxicated state, police advised an East 15th Street resident to stay inside.