Anarchist Larvae Symbolically Hone Obstinacy Skills By Uprooting ‘Yield’ Sign – July 7, 2011

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Abigail Lovelace

Eye Proofreader

• Thursday, June 2 12:53 p.m. Was that you changing your clothes on F street? And setting letters on fire? No? Carry on.

2:15 p.m. A thin man in a baseball cap entered a hotel restroom, and employees suspected drug activities. Police searched him and found nothing.

• Friday, June 3 1:41 a.m. A party on J street would not quiet down, much to the chagrin of neighbors.

7:06 a.m. Drunkity-drunk-drunk-drunk. Arrested.

7:16 a.m. A woman appeared to have been beaten up at the corner of Seventh and I streets, and the caller suspected someone who had been arguing outside of Don’s Donuts the previous night. The woman refused an ambulance  and made her way to a safer location.

10:18 a.m. Apparently golf is just too placid for a man in a white shirt and green pants, who preferred talking to himself and throwing rocks on the Bayside golf course. Police could not locate the projectile-oriented conversationalist.

7:43 p.m. A man in green plaid pants kept knocking over trash cans and yelling near Safeway, then vanished.

8 p.m. A mother was picking up her daughter from a friend’s house when she noticed several subjects hauling trash cans into a nearby house, from which issued the unmistakable reek of marijuana.

9:29 p.m. A woman called saying that she had had rocks thrown at her in the past, and her cat was “alerting” to goings-on outside. She asked for an officer escort so she could leave for somewhere safer.

9:31 p.m. A three-year-old with a head wound was taken to the hospital.

• Saturday, June 4 12:33 a.m. A group of people squabbled on Susan Street, but went their separate ways soon enough.

8:11 a.m. Somewhere between 11:30 the previous night and eight that morning, an unnamed creature entered a car and helped itself to the goodies inside.

9:13 a.m. A garbage can fell on a raccoon and now it was acting funny. The injured animal was dispatched.

12:29 p.m. “Go back to where you came from!” a pool employee shouted at a running kid. She’d meant go back to where he started running, but the parents thought there was something racist implied. The mother asked for documentation of the incident.

4:06 p.m. An alarm accidentally went off at a Plaza café. The owner is going to check with the alarm company.

5:37 p.m. Something beeped suspiciously at a gas station on Aldergrove, but apparently that happens all the time.

7:44 p.m. A woman with red hair and purple sweatshirt was running on Janes Road, and her friend worried she was suicidal. When police arrived to take her in, the woman charged away from them, running into the street. Additional units were called, but as the woman became aggressive, she was tased and placed into soft restraints before being taken to the hospital.

9:42 p.m. A car full of garbage with its keys still in the ignition had been parked on Fickle Hill all day, which was probably not healthy for the dog inside. The pooch was taken to a shelter and the vehicle secured.

9:45 p.m. Dogs yapped to their heart’s content on Mckinnon.

• Sunday, June 5 1:27 a.m. Budding anarchists started a lifelong career of rebellion by first uprooting, then running off with a street sign. That’ll teach The Man for telling us to yield for oncoming traffic.

2:31 a.m. The loud music from the party on Davis still didn’t manage to cover up the sounds of its guests banging on the walls. All was quiet upon arrival.

8:19 a.m. A suspicious package covered in some sort of webbing sat in the post office. The package was returned to the owner and revealed to be full of film.

9:21 a.m. A man in a gray T-shirt appeared not to belong in the construction site on Union Street. But he did.

2:16 p.m. A locked car was broken into twice and its contents, including personal documents and a cellphone, pilfered on two separate nights.

2:32 p.m. A man and a woman in dark clothing were seen shooting up by the Skate Park. The man was gone by the time police arrived, but the woman was located and taken to jail.

3:35 p.m. Lone tuba echoes

From behind the Creamery

Cops find nothing there

5:25 p.m. Two people bickered loudly in one of the Bay Park apartments. When contacted, they said they’d been playing a video game that got loud. They agreed to quiet down.

6:45 p.m. A mother called from Virginia with worries about her son, who had made suicidal statements to her. She believed his children were in the house with him, and that he may have a gun. The man was contacted and he stated that he never made suicidal statements to her, and didn’t own a gun any more.

• Monday, June 6 1:25 a.m. A loud party was warned on McKinnon.

6:20 a.m. Another one on Madrone.

8:03 a.m. Reportedly upset that he couldn’t buy any marijuana, a man with long hair and a yellow shirt yelled at a lady on H Street. He could not be located.

8:18 a.m. A rock was found thrown through the windshield of a parked car on K street.

1:11 p.m. A man locked up his $600 mountain bike by the Ironside Gallery overnight, naïvely expecting it to remain there until morning. It didn’t, and an Ironside employee mentioned someone tampering with it about 9 o’clock that morning.

5:09 p.m. A small child had been crying for the past 15 minutes in a green two-door outside a coffee shop. The child was later seen with parents and appeared to be fine.

7:25 p.m. Not only has he threatened him, he used a tractor to destroy the caller’s car while he and his dogs were in it.

10:36 p.m. Hey, can you make sure there’s nobody on my roof? Thanks.

• Tuesday, June 7 8:01 a.m. Someone found a car door unlocked and sneaked a peek inside, but didn’t steal anything.

10:28 a.m. An injured raccoon and her barely week-old baby hid under a shed in an Iverson Avenue backyard, and the resident thought there might be more babies under the house. Since the mother raccoon wasn’t able to move, Wildlife Care picked up the baby and transported it back to the center. Instructions were left with the resident for if the mother raccoon or other babies come out from under the shed.

10:43 a.m. The lady who used to live in a house on Villa is deceased, and now somebody comes by there to feed a herd of feral cats. The caller was given information for Companion Animal Foundation.

3:42 p.m. A car with a juvenile in the front seat swerved slowly along the road, headed towards Samoa. The car wasn’t located.

3:54 p.m. With her phone out of service, a mother was unable to contact her daughter and believed she might be in danger. She was worried about the daughter’s ex-boyfriend, and requested a welfare check.

6:19 p.m. A manhole cover was reported partially open on Virginia Way, but it couldn’t be located.

7:52 p.m. Several neighbors complained about a loose pit bull on Spear Avenue that was so aggressive one of them had to bring a baseball bat with him just to take out the trash. The dog was secured in its yard again.

10:53 p.m. A too-loud party on Cropley Way was given a warning notice.

• Wednesday, June 8 8:32 a.m. Several galoots urinated on an H Street plumbing business, and left trash and broken glass in the parking lot.

1:46 p.m. The manager of an apartment complex found a ferret wandering around his building and wanted to know if the animal shelter would accept it. They do, and the animal was picked up. “The ferret seems to be friendly,” reads the official report.

2:25 p.m. A man in a cutoff jeans with a labret plus under his lip began yelling and swearing at a man in the parking lot of the Dollar Store, threatening to “put a bullet in his head” after they conflicted over a parking space issue.

6:52 p.m. An unknown entity’s been slashing tires in Valley East Boulevard.

10:05 p.m. Someone stole about $3 worth of merchandise from a 13th Street grocery store.

10:29 p.m. A man left his Great Dane at home when he went out, and she chased after him. Now he’s lost sight of her and is worried that she followed him to the freeway.

• Thursday, June 9 4:42 p.m. Slithy toves strike again, this time directing their assault upon Sherri Court and stealing a beanbag bed.

5:02 p.m. And again, swiping DVDs from Spotlight.

10:27 p.m. Two teenage boys, obviously at the forefront of modern havoc-wreaking, sneaked up onto a Center Avenue porch, turned on the front light and scampered off into the night.

• Friday, June 10 1:39 a.m. A booze-fueled hissyfit in the alleyway resulted in the arrest of at least one sodden participant.

3:48 a.m. Two men, one in a white shirt and the other in a teal sweatshirt, amused themselves by assaulting trashcans as they walked along 11th Street. They disappeared after vaulting a fence into an empty field.

10 a.m. A woman answered to a job offer on Craigslist only to be sent orders to deposit in her account, along with orders to send money to another address.

12:22 p.m. That car on Fourth Street has been there for months.

4:36 p.m. A woman in a long jacket threw a fit in the library over a copy machine.

7:38 p.m. “Female seen jumping over a fence into [redacted] pants,” reads the police report. “Gone upon arrival.”

9:22 p.m. A mother worried that her ex-husband was too intoxicated to drive their children home from a ball game, and he refused to give her his keys. Police intervened and made him take a cab. The children went with their mother.

• Saturday, June 11 2:13 a.m. A girl and her friend claimed they had been attacked by four women at her friend’s party about half an hour ago. The women then left in a smallish car. The girl asked that police try to contact the women about the incident.

10:28 a.m. Another pit bull, this time on Stromberg Avenue, keeps charging at a woman as she walks with her child even after she spoke to the owner about the dog. Police made contact with the owner and she agreed to keep the dog on a leash.

2:09 p.m. A woman claimed her husband had hit her and she wanted to leave the house. She asked for an officer to stand by so she could retrieve their child and her car keys.

2:14 p.m. A man in a green shirt and known only as “Steve” biked tipsily around the Marsh and then disappeared.

2:47 p.m. Perhaps excited out of their wits at the thought of baking pans and five-cent lamps, people left their cars in no-parking zones en route to a garage sale. Upon prodding, they moved their cars elsewhere.

Note: Special thanks to Abbey Lovelace for composing this week’s coplog. – Ed.