Sidewalk Sprite Somehow Soldiers On Sans Sweet THC – July 26, 2011

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

• Monday, June 20 2:30 p.m. A woman in a white and gray ensemble – long white dress and gray sweatshirt – scribbled something on a store’s wall using ashes, presumably to match her monochromatic garb. She can’t go in that store any more, and as for her male companion, his neglect of those outstanding warrants gained him a set o’ shiny bracelets.

2:59 p.m. A man in his forties or fifties wearing dirty jeans and with stringy long hair and beard was reported grabbing at a little girl at the Community Center. The child then hid behind a trash can and told the witness, “He’s coming!” The witness then left the child there and called police. Officers scoured the area from the Community Center to Sunny Brae, finding no one as described.

11:30 p.m. Two women went out to a Plaza bar, where they had a shot and a couple of beers. When they got home they started puking, and a friend was worried that something might have been put in their drinks. They described a suspect as having a pointed chin, a prominent nose, sandy blonde hair and  gray plaid sweater.

• Tuesday, June 21 9:30 a.m. A free-form freakazoid put on a disquieting show outside a Valley West store where everything’s worth a dollar. After exhausting himself bounding about on the sidewalk out front while frantically shredding an imaginary guitar, it was time to chill with Arcata’s favored relaxant, the almighty herb. But this sidewalk sprite, this jejune jester, this slapstick solipsist, this desultory dingbat is apparently the one person in cannabis-land who can’t score without making a big public to-do about it, chose the most un-promising method imaginable for budnuggetry acquisition, which was to beg uncomprehending employees at the damn dollar store for it. They declined his entreaties, and he was last seen dancing in the middle of the road by a gas station.

10:34 a.m. A Tina Court resident observed a vehicle with a missing window and swung into action to address this menace. First stop, the Internet, where a review of the California Vehicle Code returned distressing information which he helpfully relayed to police: “It’s not cool to have a smashed-out window, for safety reasons.” Subtext: I’m feuding with the neighbs and want to get them in trouble.

11:38 a.m. A woman called PG&E to open a new account in Garberville only to find that she was $3,000 in arrears with the utility over a house in Devlin Court. That, she said, is where her ex-boypain and his costly electricity consumption habits live. She said she never authorized him to use her name for an account, nor had she ever signed a lease for that home or even lived there. She added that she suspected that he was running a [redacted].

1:29 p.m. A man brought a letter to APD which he had received detailing some kind of “incident” that took place in the 1990s. He had no idea why he got it.

3:09 p.m. Two heavily tattooed men were seen riding newish bicycles and pushing two more bikes, all of which seemed suspicious to someone.

4 p.m. A black man and a white man overcame their pigmentation disparities to share some sticky-stinky green at 10th and J streets.

8:47 p.m. A lower G Street resident reported his girl-fiend stealing $40, two pictures and two prints of a Grateful Dead album cover from him. She did leave his wallet behind.

• Wednesday, June 22 1:26 p.m. A man reported his bike stolen sometime between Saturday and Wednesday. It wasn’t registered and he didn’t have the serial number, but it was definitely blue.

7:01 p.m. Another mysterious letter came to a Lincoln Avenue resident. He described it as a “rap rant” probably intended for someone else.

7:55 p.m. A woman in an all-black Invisible PedestrianTM costume by Mainway Toys, or possibly a homebrew facsimile, was struck by a car at 12th and J streets. A witness heard the impact-thump of vehicle striking human, and said the woman looked like she was in shock, but she declined assistance. The driver was quick to tell the witness her involvement wasn’t needed.

• Thursday, June 23 11:32 a.m. They didn’t find the backpacker who had been beating his puppy by the mini-storage yard. Police were unable to locate the doggie or its disciplinarian; probably they had to rush off to get the pup’s vaccinations, or had a spay/neuter appointment.

2:33 p.m. A man returned to his truck after shopping in Uniontown to find that a wooden box of artist’s brushes had been stolen out of the back.

3:18 p.m. A Valley West motel housekeeper was attacked, the issue being sale of a car.

4:27 p.m. A staggeringly drunk 20-something man lurched through a Janes Road mobile home park, passing out behind one of the residences. The maintenance person had “a terrible time” waking up drunky-boy, who was arrested.

4:37 p.m. The next round of goofball vs. maintenance man took place right next door 10 minutes later, when a non-guest told a Valley West motel employee that the soda machine had ripped him off. The low-ambition scammer was banished.

6:38 p.m. A woman’s ex told her she would “end up in a ditch.” Police advised them to redouble their efforts to get along.

9:49 p.m. A child was reported to have somehow fallen from a vehicle on eastern Samoa Boulevard and sustained significant injuries. The hospital confirmed that an injured youth had been brought in.

• Friday, June 24 7:11 a.m. Cars, people… the pit bull at 12th and Q wasn’t particular. It was up for a good chase, and found no shortage of participants.

8:10 a.m. A black-hoodied, black-hatted boyo was spotted cavorting on a gas-fired scooter in the roadway.

• Saturday, June 25 9:04 a.m. Smoke was observed issuing from the vast campground underneath the St. Louis Overhead. As fast as CDF relayed a call to Arcata Fire and Arcata PD, it was canceled. The plume was formally traced to a “distinguished cooking fire.”

8:31–9:48 p.m. An unwell man refused to disinhabit an I Street store’s quasi-public restroom. He eventually did, with the preliminary assessment being either effects of LSD acidification or just plain crazytown. Extra assistance was needed when he was delivered to the mental health facility.

• Sunday, June 26 9:16 a.m. The hellishness of domestic life drew police to an Alliance Road apartment beset by multiple miseries. The initial call was over a domestic dispute, with parents arguing and children wailing in the background. On arrival, hubby had gone to work, but the kid had a fever and continued to cry. Meanwhile, the squalid living conditions earned mom a talk from an officer. She agreed to clean it up.

12:47 p.m. Police records still label it an Asian noodle house, but what is now an I Street taqueria suffered a cooking fire that drew the usual full-spectrum emergency response.

2:29 p.m. A Union Street resident in Southern California called police to report that his credit card had been used for a transaction in South Carolina. He feared that his apartment had been burgled and the credit card stolen, so police went to check the place out. They found the front door locked and the balcony door closed with spider webs on it. The kitchen window was opened about one inch, but the screen was still on it, and it would have taken a large ladder to get in that way.

4:48 p.m. Upstairs tenants brought in guests who stayed and stayed, upsetting the balance of the house. The landlord asked them to leave, but was rebuffed. Next came talk of eviction.

6:51 p.m. A man as rotund as he was hairy got into a noisy argument with some other people about medical marijuana on the Plaza. The outcome apparently wasn’t to his liking, because he then toddled down the street barking at passersby.

8:59 p.m. Another bearded man at 11th and Union streets was more congenial with passing strangers, trying to engage them in drunken conversation. But after he peed in that lady’s bushes, cops came and hauled him off to the tank.

• Monday, June 27 11:32 a.m. A citizen found some kind of druggie equipment at Foster Avenue and Alliance Road, and called police to come pick it up. The items turned out to be aluminum foil with black marks on it, likely from smoking something which stimulated the user’s littering gland.

2:07 p.m. A passerby heard a dog inside a boarded-up “unit” at 12th and O streets. When police opened it up, two adult dogs ran out and escaped, but a pair of puppies found there were taken to the shelter.

2:26 p.m. Another cannabis-based argument bubbled like a bong amplified a hundred times at 17th and G streets. The issue was a dozen cannabis clones – were they given to a woman by a man, or stolen from the man by the woman?

8:09 p.m. A man was reported hanging from a wire and then staggering away at 11th and I streets. Police found him tipsy but not arrest-worthy, and sent him along.