To Shriek Or Screech, Whinge Or Wail, Fuss Or Flail? – September 20, 2011
• Thursday, August 11 10:57 a.m. A woman reported an ongoing problem with being bullied and harassed inside her apartment. Along with peeing on her plants, cutting up her books and moving things around, an unknown, unseen entity had pushed her in the back. She was advised to try and get some video of her house to document the mysterious activity, and police were working on the assumption that a ghost or poltergeist had taken up residence there.
11:43 a.m. A man in an alley behind a Plaza bakery serenaded the graffiti-slathered utility boxes and cigarette butt-infested weeds with a mordant oratorio about killing something. The desultory diva was asked to move along.
12:54 p.m. Hard to believe people still leave their cars unlocked with valuables inside, but they do, and they do have it all stolen as a matter of routine.
1:18–1:22 p.m. Reports flooded in of a man exposing his nether regions at the City Hall bus stop. Police arrived to find the bench soiled by feces. Public Works cleaned it up.
3:05 p.m. Mischiefmakers in the 200 block of California Avenue committed low-level chaos by tipping over garbage cans, ripping up plants and egging cars.
3:16 p.m. You wouldn’t blame the black lab for running loose at the Marsh and terrifying critters in what is supposed to be a sanctuary for wildlife on our dying planet, as dogs will be dogs. No, it would be the two women at Klopp Lake who deserved, and got, the citation. Bad dog owner!
4:58 p.m. A woman reported that while her child and a friend were playing at the Janes Creek subdivision park, two pre-teen punklings turned up and harassed them. When the kids tried to leave, the aggressors threw smoke bombs and “pop-snaps” at them.
4:59 p.m. Someone using someone else’s debit card charged $500 in tickets for a future show at a Sparks, Nevada casino.
7:32 p.m. A frisbee game at 11th and C streets included one guy on a motorcycle who reportedly drove right past a stop sign trying to catch the disc.
8:10 p.m. A fashion minimalist stood on the corner of 11th and G streets in a tie-dyed shirt and little else. While his disentrouserment was a concern for others, acquiring pants was a lesser priority than pursuing raucous repartée with an adversary only he could perceive. An officer arrested him and, with some difficulty, got him into the police car. His red backpack was left in the care of a friend, hopefully not the imaginary one.
10:43 p.m. A distraught-sounding 10-year-old called 911 from a cell phone to report her mother under the influence and unable to care for an infant sibling. She said she was fearful and leaving for a neighbor’s house, then hung up. On callback, someone was heard in the background saying, “Now the cops are coming. That’s what you get for blowing smoke in someone’s face,” click. Calling back again, an uncooperative male answered, refused to provide a location, then hung up and turned off the phone. Police had had prior contacts with the mother, found her address and sent units to check on the condition of the infant. The baby was fine, but mom and a friend were definitely tipsy or more. They were admonished.
• Friday, August 12 10:22 a.m. Yes, her bicycle was locked, but then again, it was left unattended at Tavern Row, where everything, including acquisitive behavior, is amplified beyond reason. The bike, a woman’s silver Giant, had a milk crate in back, a metal basket and a bumper sticker that said, “Totoro is my co-piolet” [sic].
3:13 p.m. It’s hospital policy to report all spiral femur fractures, including this one, caused when a child jumping on a trampoline was landed on by his brother.
3:58 p.m. “It’s a long story,” said a caller whose roommate had stolen his mail and wouldn’t return it.
7:30 p.m. An officer discovered a small baggie containing white powder near patrol cars in the City Hall parking lot. The find was used as a training opportunity for field testing using a meth detection kit. It came back positive, and was flushed.
7:54 p.m. After being banished from a neighborhood supermarket, a man got as far as Marilyn and Chester avenues before having a lie-down in the roadway. He was arrested on a public drunkenness charge.
10:15 p.m. An anonymous caller reported a bar allowing teenage girls inside. His phone number identified him as one of downtown’s frequent fusspots, and he was swiftly tracked down near the donut shop. Security at the bar told police the caller had been trying to get in for 10 minutes and was upset about being denied admittance. And so his clever little vengeance-o-rama scheme collapsed amid wafting hydrogenated aromas.
• Saturday, August 13 9:08 a.m. A man drunkenly complained that while peaceably listening to music in his apartment at about 2 a.m., these four dudes who live upstairs from him came down and beat him up. Unfortunately, he was so drunked up he couldn’t provide a coherent explanation, and was asked to come back when he was sober.
10:54 a.m. Police told South G Street residents to move a trailer out of a bike lane, then searched a vehicle that had an expired registration, finding pot and an open alcohol container. As citations were being issued, out stumbled a drunken landlord whingeing about harassment. He said he’d be talking to the police chief Monday, giving him sufficient time to sober up from his liquid breakfast.
12:47 p.m. A man said neighbors told him they saw two guys and a girl carrying his white cat away down L.K. Wood Boulevard. It’s a friendly kitty who will go right up to people. The girl involved had pink-tinged hair, possibly indicating that she was a high school or college student.
3:08 p.m. A naked woman banged on someone’s door at a Samoa Boulevard apartment complex, then went home.
4:40 p.m. An anonymous report came in of someone growing cannabis and selling it out of a house on Felix Avenue. The caller was concerned about the drug house’s proximity to a park where children play, but that problem was largely resolved weekend before last with the arson destruction of the playground there.
7:39 p.m. In the five minutes that a woman was away from her car parked near the confluence of G and H streets, someone smashed the window and stole her backpack.
• Monday, August 14 1:12 a.m. A 911 call came in from a Samoa Boulevard apartment complex reporting a drug overdose. Police, fire and ambulance mustered and raced to the scene, only to find a darkened apartment and no answer at the door. The phone number is associated with numerous prank phone calls in the past.
2:05 a.m. Another false call from the same number, with the same woman reporting a female with a gun in one of the apartments.
8:38 a.m. As emergency personnel responded to a medical aid call for someone having difficulty breathing, a man called to complain about the fire engine’s sirens.
8:47 a.m. A so-called man had a hissyfit in the Community Park playground, yelling and kicking the children’s play equipment. A cop went and tempered his tiny-tot tempest.
3:26 p.m. The people who live near Redwood Park really don’t need you traipsing through their yard to get there.
3:53 p.m. An officer saw a loose dog attack another dog and chase children at Ninth and G streets.
8:52 p.m. There are good weirdos and bad weirdos, and this person is incrementally making his way into the latter category with a mounting body of annoyance-based infractions. On this day, he stood in the street at Ninth and G posing in odd positions and making strange noises. Police cited and released him for an outstanding warrant.
• Tuesday, August 15 2:05 a.m. Three women happened upon a man sleeping near an entrance to a state university on L.K. Wood Boulevard. When they woke the slumbering schlub, he went berserkers and attacked them, grabbing one by the neck, then scampered into the night.
9:41 a.m. A Sunny Brae professional office reported illegal camping on its grounds and all the joy and wonder that goes along with it, including graffiti, lighting busted up and a decorative gazing ball shattered.
10:33 a.m. A Westwood-area woman left a printer, CDs, makeup and laundry in her car overnight. Morning light revealed that things did not go according to plan for these items, which became donations to the Slithy Tove Benevolent Fund.
6:51 p.m. The prelude is undocumented, but according to a man in an I Street parking lot, some guy “just started kicking” his car. When the car owner went to confront him, kicky-boy whipped out a can of pepper spray, then hopped in his blue pickup truck and left.
