Propriety Restored Under Lusty Freeway Overpass – November 8, 2011
• Thursday, September 29 9:33 a.m. Some nearby residents shot video of Big Al in support of their restraining order. Alfred reportedly hit his dog with a rock when the guy walked by. The tape didn’t show anything like that, and the two were warned to stay away from each other. Al was warned about tethering his pooch.
2:06 p.m. Two or three males were reported walking around an I Street information kiosk asking people if they wanted to medicate. They then plopped down under a tree to toke up. Police bounced them from the property with a trespass warning.
4:42 p.m. A woman reported “goose eggs” on the back of her head from stuff being thrown at her. She said she hadn’t had any sleep and is tired of the abuse, then hung up. She called back to say that she had been hit and choked by the boy(non-)friend, had placed ice on her head and declined medical assistance. He left, she said, after promising to burn down her house.
6:34 p.m. A man taking pictures of girls at a Janes Road motel swimming pool said he was going to take the photos to Las Vegas.
• Friday, September 30 10:35 a.m. A woman reported letting a man buy her a drink the previous night at a Plaza bar. She remembers drinking it, but then she blacked out. When she came to, she was in bed with a man lying next to her. She said she felt safe, and the man left without any problem. She had the school nurse do a blood draw to test for drugs. She wouldn’t identify the man involved, and declined sexual assault victim referrals.
12:49 p.m. A man with studs in his ears tried to steal a burrito and chunk of cheese from a 13th Street marketplace. He was detained, the food recovered and then he ran out the door toward F Street.
3:11 p.m. Stewart Park was dog-dominated, the five romping pooches preventing children from using the playground. Police advised the owners of the Municipal Code.
5:41 p.m. Two persons were observed “making whoopee” in the most romantic love-nest conceivable, underneath the Seventh Street/U.S. Highway 101 overpass. Police arrived as they were dressing and getting into their sleeping bags, with all naughty regions decently covered to meet freeway overpass standards of propriety.
6:18 p.m. A shack-up at the southern terminus of Eighth Street was going considerably less smoochingly, with a passerby reporting an argument occurring in a tent there. A man was said to be striking a woman who was bleeding from the nose, and he was heard to say, “Do that again and you’re gonna die.” Police found the woman not in need of medical attention and her genius-cohort, apparently a physics buff who had grasped the fundamental principles of leverage, brandishing a stick. One of them was arrested, and it wasn’t her.
9:29 p.m. High school kids like to play cops and robbers at night in the Community Center parking lot using glow sticks. It sounds like a lot of fun. Sometimes someone overhears them plotting the hijinx and mistakes it for a real caper, but no.
9:32 p.m. If only the frequent fusspots on lower H Street used glow sticks for amusement instead of fists, there’d be fewer bloody noses in the world.
9:56 p.m. An I Street cannabis cooperative’s security guard got threatening text messages. The owner of the originating phone said it was his friend playing around. That man needs a glow stick.
10:54 p.m. A family of raccoons roved a Sunny Brae apartment complex, lingering adorably outside a man’s apartment during their nightly quest for caloric groundscores like moldy lasagna and unguarded kittens. The resident said the ’coon squad was preventing him from entering his apartment, but when police arrived six minutes later, it was gone.
• Saturday, Sept. 31 1:38 a.m. Some sort of street vomiting and inconsiderate parking festival was underway in the 1700 block of Old Arcata Road, apparently a feature of the party there. Multiple cars were said to be parked haphazardly while celebrants wandered among them hurling bolts of vomit at the asphalt. Police response was delayed by the resource-sucking event known as bar closure, and when police arrived at the pukefest, the fun and stomach contents had been exhausted.
7:46 a.m. A large, pregnant dog was said to be “wondering the sidewalk” at Janes and Spear, but the worrisome wonderment had wandered when police arrived.
• Sunday, October 2 4:21 a.m. Something described as “Steve” was reported standing in the street on lower H Street, playing drums and yelling. When police arrived, the street-Steveness had subsided.
8:20 p.m. Music blasted from a gated house in Wiley Court, and police were asked to shine a spotlight on the house to alert the residents. This was done, but as soon as the officers drove off, the sound erupted again. A caller next suggested police use a bullhorn or P.A. system to get the residents’ attention.
• Monday, October 3 3:15 a.m. Soldier or cattle driver? A man clad in urban traveler-chic camouflage pants and cowboy hat offered mixed metaphoric signals, but his mission was perhaps best defined by the bottle of gin he guzzled in the doorway of a downtown donut shop. Since his pants displayed a foliage pattern rather than pictures of maple bars and apple fritters, he was easy to spot and send along.
3:52 a.m. A Samoa Boulevard resident said a man wearing a zebra mask had tried to climb in to his apartment through a window, then retreated to hold a conversation with associates under the window. But police didn’t see any zoological anomalies there.
9:15 a.m. A Valley West home of honest goodness asked that officers come and look at a “disturbing” picture a customer had drawn in the Western Union department.
3:17 p.m. A thorough slithy tove reached through a partly open car window, unlocked the door, popped the truck and stole $700 wortha stuff.
• Tuesday, October 4 12:34 p.m. A man’s jeep was under systematic attack over the last month, with its bumpers, a set of spare tires and wheels stolen. Finally, the man came home to find the Jeep up on blocks, with all four tires and rims taken.
5:10 p.m. A man having an argument on the Plaza vented his frustrations by banging a hammer on a table.
5:44 a.m. The man who’d previously described himself as “charred and buzzy” was showing improvement. Now he said he had a “buzzing” feeling in his body, but he didn’t want an ambulance because he had heard that this was a felony.
6:10 p.m. A man at a Frederick Avenue house reportedly told a total stranger that he was wanted out of Florida but that no one could catch him. That and the two grow rooms at the house were reported to APD’s Special Services unit.
• Wednesday, October 5 10:57 a.m. After a bike vs. car collision at Ninth and F streets, the bleeding bicyclist was taken to the hospital.
6:24 p.m. When the Emergency Room refused to fulfill a woman’s medication desires, she threatened to “punch” a nurse. It didn’t help.
10:54 p.m. When an unknown driver struck an already damaged car at 15th and I streets, whoever it was left a not-very-informative note and a $100 bill on the windshield.
• Thursday, October 6 1:06 a.m. Wednesday got off to a bloody start when a man smashed a bottle over someone’s head in a bar and the victim’s ear was severely lacerated.
2:11 a.m. A bike crash at Seventh and H streets left the rider on the ground bleeding from her mouth.
10:06 a.m. A juicy backpack bursting with fungible riches – in this case, a $1,200 MacBook computer – was left on view in a car at 11th and B streets with only easily smashable windows protecting it from swarming slithy toves.