Stash-Sucking Dashboard Repels Inveiglers – November 18, 2011

Friday, November 18, 2011

• Tuesday, October 11 2:09 p.m. An unlocked bicycle didn’t even last three hours in a Villa Way carport.

• Thursday, October 13 12:45 a.m. After being caught paint-handed by personnel at a downtown tavern, two suspects were arrested on suspicion of tagging a bathroom.

10:30 a.m. A business turned over $1,400 in counterfeit $100 bills to a local bank, but noted that the amount should have been $1,500, with $100 in funny money going missing somewhere along the way.

7:17 p.m. A drunken woman wearing Mardi Gras beads was reported peering into yards near Seventh and K streets, possibly looking for recyclables to steal.

• Thursday, October 14 7:52 a.m. A slithy tove variant busted into the coin machine in the laundry room at an H Street apartment complex.

9:45 a.m. A Westwood Court laundry room change machine was raided of coins and cash.

2:08 p.m. A man snuggled up with his skateboard and took a nap on a Ninth Street sidewalk, his head resting on a trash bag pillow.

4:08 p.m. A man with a bullhorn was reported annoying customers at a G Street bank while effecting a global shift in consciousness.

9:44 p.m. Two men, one withdreadlocks and the other an afro, ripped off three bottles of wine totaling $50 from a Uniontown variety store.

9:49 p.m. The dreadlocked one did some shopping at a neighboring store, where he was arrested.

• Friday, October 15 2:48 a.m. When one gentleman demanded a piece of pizza from another outside a Plaza hotel and was declined, there was little alternative but to enter into combat. The pizza-bearer got the pizza-demander into a headlock, but then three of the demander’s minions appeared, extracted their friend’s head from his mighty clench and punched pizzaman in the face a few times. All this desultory excitement presumably had a suppressing effect on everyone’s appetite.

2:56 a.m. A genius convention at Fifth and G streets included some cad prodding a woman, a gallant intervention and then a lacerating punch to the eye.

3:03 p.m. 

The clearing beneath the flagpole

Was like a percussive black hole

Whose accretion disc

Held bongos at risk

Of cops playing drum whack-a-mole

8:58 a.m. After attempting to take pictures at a traffic stop, a bike cabbie complained that an officer stopped him from doing so by shining a light at the camera and blinding it. The officer erroneously hampered the cabbie’s orderly acquisition of photons while attempting to honor the privacy request of the person he had stopped. The cabbie erroneously identified himself as working for the Arcata Eye and Times-Standard, and fired off a testy, misspelling-laden e-mail with a tendentious account of the crisis to everyone and his brother before talking to his supposed editors about it as an actual reporter would do. The mayor later sent him a calming letter.

• Saturday, October 16 11:53 a.m. Despite his camouflage jacket, a man peeing upon the Plaza and yelling at passersby was easily spotted. He and his rancid backpack were asked to move along.

• Monday, October 18 9:49 a.m. A man in a red hat demanded to use an I Street supermarket’s restroom, was declined and threatened to burn down the building. At this point an Occupy Arcata freedom fighter involved herself and was detained in handcuffs while the behatted blowhard was arrested on a warrant.

3:23 p.m. A man and woman had a loud conversation in a parked vehicle on H Street, discussing the drugs that they had dropped behind the dashboard console. The two toiled to locate the dropped dope for more than an hour, getting in and out of the car until giving up and walking away.

5:09 p.m. A tall, thin slithy tove wearing a trench coat worked his way west on 11th Street, trying car door handles.

8:40 p.m. A Sunny Brae grow house stinks to high heaven, the address numbers have been taken off the house and there’s a steady procession of cars and foot traffic coming to and from during the day.

• Tuesday, October 19 2:12 a.m. 

A K Streeter, somewhat appalled

Heard bongos, then smelled alcohol

At a street-facing condo

Where folks were not fond o’

The fact that the cops had been called