Houseguest, Loose Cash Depart During Bathroom Break – April 23, 2012

Monday, April 23, 2012

• Thursday, March 15 10:22 p.m. A woman left a satchel, phone and camera valued at $2,000 in a van parked on I Street. The valuables are now under new, unknown ownership.

Friday, March 16 12:26 a.m. Oh sure, there were many of the familiar elements of a midnight-hour nimbrogue – the men in sweatshirts, the camo pants, the woman running, the HSU Police assistance – but the core issue, the nutmeat, the crux of the imbrogilated biscuit – was that bottle concealed down someone’s trousers. Its fate is undocumented, but the bruited bottle-jacker was braceleted a block away.

5:18 a.m. Genius RV campers managed to locate their land dirigible in a place guaranteed to result in phone calls and people in uniforms snopping around – the loading dock of a supermarket.

7:05 a.m. A man told a utility worker that his pregnant girlfriend is ill, and now their power has been shut off for nonpayment, therefore he might do the most courageous and helpful thing for his young family and shoot himself. The distressed man told police he wasn’t contemplating suicide, but he was kind of mad at PG&E.

8:18 a.m. A man went into the transit center and asked how much money was in the cash register. He left, then came back to creep out the employees by sitting on a banch inside. Police warned him not to return to the area on pain of trespass.

9:02 a.m. A parolee with “TROUBLE” tattooed on his neck, plus his trusty, previously used (in a 417 PC)box cutter, were said to be on their troublesome way to Arcata in a bus. The bus driver said he hadn’t seen anyone like that get on board, and he surely would have noticed.

• Saturday, March 17 12:30 a.m. A loiterer sporting the trifecta of disreputable fashion acoutrement – rainbow beanie, camo pants and big ol’ plastic bags laden with whoknowswhatthehell – creeped out people at an Alliance Road apartment complex. He then trudged away into the darkness.

11:07 a.m. Yak man and his entourage of creatures were reported parked in a trailer at 13th and H streets, where conditions are not necessarily optimal for barnyard animals.

11:36 a.m. Regular hippies clustered at what was described as their “regular hippie corner” at Ninth and H streets, doing regular hippie things – mainly smoking the dope.

8:44 p.m. An erudite soirée in McKinnon Court featured the usual script for a drunken, 10-galoot gathering – guzzling, hooting and gibbering. All was well until one guy threw a beer bottle into a neighbor’s yard, where it broke. Police were soon at the scene, issuing a buzzkill warning notice.

• Sunday, March 18 4:47 a.m. A 15th Street resident noticed that her front window was just broken out and some guy he didn’t know was standing on her porch. He was arrested on charges of public drunkenness and vandalism.

1:19 p.m. When a Uniontown business complained of a man sleeping out front, a security guard came and contacted the slumbering lump. The newly awakened napper didn’t enjoy the attention and lunged at the guard, who whipped out his pepper spray. The wind blew the spicy spritz back in the guard’s face, but by then the storefront slumper was headed away. Perhaps unclear on the concept, the guard continued to pursue and spray the guy as he headed out of the shopping center down F Street toward Samoa Boulevard.

3:15 p.m. After an argument with her “significant boyfriend,” signifo-boy petulantly locked her and her two kids out of the house.

4:03 p.m. The Community Park playground was repurposed as a dog run, with multiple pooches romping among children and worrying at least one adult.

6:15 p.m. A man whose red pickup truck broke down on Giuntoli Lane externalized his anguish, shouting and waving fists at driversby as he pushed the inert hulk out of the roadway.

8:19 p.m. A man reported another guy coming up to him at the transit center and threatening to shoot him, though the most lethal item he seemed to be packing was a brown jacket. Police redirected the two and their chump drama elsewhere.

• Monday, March 19 8:22 a.m. Someone asked that police check in on Yak Man’s coterie of creatures in the trailer on westernmost Eighth Street. They did, and everything was still alive and relatively well.

2:07 p.m. A man riding a bike in a top hat stopped at a K Street thrift store to rummage through the donations/slop that people leave there. After ripping the bags apart and throwing things around on the ground, he pedaled away.

1:45 p.m. A Q Street resident said he woke up to a banging sound, and observed a woman nailing a board to his fence. He went outside with a crowbar to remove it, and an altercation ensued. The woman claimed that he had pinned her against the fence with the crowbar, which somehow resulted in a very minor scratch to her right middle finger. A cell phone video of the encounter showed nothing like what the woman had described.

2:03 p.m. A woman intentionally OD’d on Vicodin, and was ambulanced to the hospital.

2:20 p.m. A night shelter manager was upset that he could no longer pick up participants from a Uniontown variety store. Veterans’ Memorial Park is the interim loading zone.

3:02 p.m. Someone in line behind a guy at a Valley West home of honest goodness saw him buy a candy bar and get $200 cash back. He then repeated the procedure, leaving with $400. The witness watched the man go out to a brick-red Mustang with an ivory soft top, put his hand in the window – presumably to exchange the cash for some kinda dope – and then put the received item in his pocket. The man then went up to someone on the sidewalk and made another exchange, then got in a silver minivan and drove away.

5:31 p.m. A woman watched as a female in her late teens smashed her car window, stole her backpack and then hopped in an older black Acura with a spoiler and, its exhaust booming, drove away.

6:37 p.m. Forty minutes luxuriating in a mini-mart’s restroom was enough to earn a trespass warning.

• Tuesday, March 20 11:59 a.m. A Diamond Drive resident has repeatedly asked a neighbor not to let her cat into their house and feed it, but they keep doing so.

2:45 p.m. A seven-lout hoodie convention in an H Street store’s doorway was moved along.

9:42 p.m. An extremely drunk woman was described as swaggering in the Tavern Row back alley, swinging her keys. Points for style, but arrested anyway.

11:10 p.m. A baseball bat robbery on Kit Street netted the bad guy in a hoodie with a ski mask “a few dollars, if that.”

• Wednesday, March 21 12:59 a.m. A 911 call featured a woman’s voice stating that a man was trying to kill her. As explained by a grandmother at the residence, the caller suffers from sleeplessness, and wanders the house late at night, making noises by opening and closing drawers and such. Another occupant of the house got up and yelled at her to go to bed, and chased her to her room, prompting the call.

9:18 a.m. Campers pushing an all-terrain shopping cart with camping gear headed up Trail 3 into the Community Forest. They denied taking the cart, and said they found it in a field. They were advised to return it to the store.

12:22 p.m. After a driver snapped a cable in a K Street yard, the driver and resident secured the loose end by wrapping it around a tree trunk.

3:28 p.m. An H Street couple fell sharply out of love when she pulled a knife on him.

4:19 p.m. An Alliance Road apartment dweller said that she had invited an acquaintance into her apartment earlier in the month. She got up to use the bathroom, and when she came out, he was gone along with some money she had left on a table. She later found out that her rent money was gone from her purse. Oh, and she thinks he’s a parolee.

8:01 p.m. After a contretemps at a desolate 11th Street market, the offended customer returned to throw eggs around inside the store.

• Thursday, March 22 1:57 a.m. A man said a guy with a tattoo on his neck tried to sell him a stolen .44 caliber Ruger.

• Friday, March 23 9:23 a.m. An 11th Street resident said someone entered her unlocked house and stole her $1,099 computer, backpack, iPod and some other stuff.

12:21 p.m. An anonymous caller reported an Irene Street address as a grow house.

12:59 p.m. A $179 chain saw left close to the door disappeared from a South G Street store.

• Saturday, March 24 5:44 p.m. Following suspicions about embezzlement at a semi-public facility, a citizen was advised to report the matter to the administrators.

• Sunday, March 25 12:34 a.m. After posting an ad on Craigslist, a woman started getting calls from freaks.

10:30 a.m. A Patrick Court resident reported people walking a Doberman who directed the dog to chase her cat. No, said the Doberman owner, he had been walking the dog without a leash and had summoned it to come to him, not chase the cat.

6:49 p.m. A St. Louis Road resident reported hearing someone break down a neighbor’s door, with the victim then chasing two suspects up the street. One wore a white jumpsuit, the other an orange cat costume, and they took a red canvas bag. Police scoured the area, but all they found was a guy who knows of a teenager who wears a cat costume.

9:14 p.m. Drunk and yelling.

9:18 p.m. Yelling, screaming and crying.

10:15 p.m. Arguing in bulky clothing.

•Monday, March 26 4:09 a.m. Yelling. At himself. Again.

4:31 a.m. Sitting and yelling.

7:50 a.m. A woman said that after texting other parents about an incident involving her daughter at school, she was verbally threatened by the principal.

8:29 a.m. Bums keep breaking into a downtown construction project and leaving pee and poo.

9:03 a.m. A bus painted “Various colors” lumbered around down narrow Zehndner Avenue, obstructing traffic. Police found it on Janes Road, the sole occupant so drunk that an ambulance was called.

9:17 a.m. A newspaper rack was ripped away from a Giuntoli Lane business with such fury that the mailbox was also damaged.

10:25 a.m. An H Street apartment dweller was said to be harboring illegal “sugar gliders” (Petaurus breviceps) – a small gliding possum  native to eastern and northern mainland Australia which he was threatening to turn loose. A Fish and Game warden was called in, and with APD backup, took the animals into custody.

11:05 a.m. A customer sexually harassed and took pictures of a woman working in Uniontown.

3:31 p.m. Another car was window-smashed and rummaged behind a Plaza storehouse, but the owner didn’t report it at the time. Later, he got a bank statement with overdraft charges and realized that his debit card had been left inside the car.

3:40 p.m. A cell phone caller told APD, “No emergency. Just wanted to check in. Negative eight eight. 187 Sheriff’s Department. On my way. Bye.”

5:43 p.m. A man who was extremely agitated about his traffic ticket menaced front officer personnel at APD during four contacts, culminating in his vow to “kick your ass.” Three officers stood by as the man – wanted on four non-extraditable warrants out of Long Beach and San Luis Obispo, worked out a payment plan for the ticket.