Ridonkulousness, Duly Quoted – December 16, 2012
• Friday, November 9 10:59 p.m. An aspirational bar customer went about it all wrong, failing to bring an ID, and instead thrusting his cell phone camera in the bouncer’s face. After allegedly being thrown to the ground, he called police.
11:16 p.m. A Highland Court resident noticed a bushy-haired man in his driveway and asked him what he was doing. Taking pictures, replied the fuzzy photog, who then wandered away.
• Saturday, November 10 9:31 a.m. A man with a heavy Slavic accent called a Spring Street resident, telling her she had won a large sum of money. When questioned, Mr. Peggy hung up, throwing the phone call’s entire premise into doubt.
12:17 p.m. Big Al’s dog was said to be barking at 17th and G streets. He agreed to quell the arfage.
2:26 p.m. A roommate began behaving oddly and was slated to move out. On her way out, she and her partners left a sign that said “BEWARE.”
4:23 p.m. Emergency Room workers had their mission complicated by a nattering, noxious nabob of negativity who stood in the doorway smoking, ranting, raving and refusing treatment. He seemed drunk or crazy, and was soon on his way.
9:44 p.m. When a man in a big ol’ tan Suburban drove into a Valley West burger stand’s drive-thru lane in the wrong direction, the window person yelled at him. He rolled down the passenger-side window of his sport-utility behemoth and explained that he had had too much to drink, then drove away.
• Sunday, November 11 1:27 p.m. A lower H Street resident called police reporting a panic attack. As emergency forces began to respond, the man called back to the dispatcher to tell officers that he would need to stand up to answer the door. Finally, he declined a trip to the hospital, saying that he needed to “talk himself down.”
4:57 p.m. A Valley West motel housekeeper found a note on a nightstand that read, “Help, I’ve been kidnapped.” It turned out to be a hilarious practical joke by the guest’s friend.
• Wednesday, November 13 7:08 a.m. A vehicle at 14th and J streets was vandalized with a white spray-painted inscription that said, “Sewer 13.”
1:28 p.m. A woman responded to a voicemail message supposedly from her bank, asking for her Social Security number and mother’s maiden name, and gave them the personal information. Then, thinking this suspicious, she hung up and called the bank, which confirmed that it had not called her.
6:45 p.m. Unknown burglars’ unquenchable thirst for tenants’ MacBook Pro computers claimed another unguarded $3,200 unit.
• Thursday, November 14 10:50 a.m. The Plaza’s center was dogland, until an officer arrived.
2:31 p.m. A lower H Street resident called 911 to declare, “You need to send someone because my 70-year-old girlfriend was just chased down the street by a drunk guy!” More yelling 911 calls ensued, with the man screaming, “I’m going to stop paying you, and you will lose your job!” The woman could be heard in the background telling the guy to stop calling. When an officer arrived, the woman said that someone had just called her names as she rode her bike.
• Friday, November 15 1:19 p.m. Allegations of cat and kitten poisoning on Cedar Drive were denied by an accused neighbor.
• Saturday, November 16 11 a.m. Every day, a man ties his aggressive dog with a red spiked collar to the fence, the lightpole or the stop sign in the 600 block of Ninth Street, and leaves it there unattended.
12:49 p.m. A woman who left her residence in the 800 block of 15th Street unlocked essentially donated her MacBook laptop to an unknown burglar.
• Monday, November 18 11:14 p.m. A 14th Street resident reported someone stealing his pea coat and a roommate’s gun, and threatening to shoot him with the latter.
• Tuesday, November 19 8:21 a.m. When a woman’s daughter was returned, late, by the father, the child smelled like marijuana.
• Wednesday, November 20 3:26 p.m. A man wandered around in a Plaza store with a garment stashed inside his long black coat. Police encountered him, got the property back and banished him from the store.
4:36 p.m. A man walked into a G Street Mexican restaurant, picked up the iPad used for taking orders and walked out with it.
• Thursday, November 21 8:43 a.m. A blond woman used a baseball bat to break out the windows of a red Honda Civic in the 300 block of Union Street, then got into a silver car as a passenger and headed toward Sunny Brae.
4:12 p.m. A father and his 10-year-old son became separated in the Community Forest. The boy was found by two people, who called police. The mother was at work and the father hadn’t brought his cell phone, but police were able to eventually reunite him and his son.
10:28 p.m. Another scarf ’n’ scram at a Plaza restaurant. $18.27 damage.
• Friday, November 22 2:27 a.m. A woman’s purse, with cell phone, car keys and wallet, was stolen from a Plaza bar. Within minutes, someone had tried to use her ATM card at a Plaza bank and Uniontown supermarket.
7:41 a.m. A woman’s purse was found behind a Uniontown variety store, but it wasn’t the one stolen the previous night. A letter was sent to the owner’s last known address in Illinois.
8:28 a.m. A lower H Street resident who feels obliged to let multiple travelers use his bathroom complained that the four or five strangers were abusing him, and one bloke had assaulted him.
1:44 p.m. Household relations on upper G Street weren’t advanced by one big-bearded man brandishing a hunting knife. As a woman cowered in the bathroom, police came and arrested him.
4:15 p.m. A messenger bag found near an Arcata Heights bank contained a notebook computer, a Bob Marley poster and a container of pink putty.
• Saturday, November 23 11:11 a.m. An upset man drove up from the Bay Area to see his daughter for Thanksgiving, but was refused by the mother when he showed up a half-hour late. The custody agreement didn’t specify holidays, so his stay at a rancid Valley West lodging facility was for naught.
4:42 p.m. Vehicles smeared with poop on Bayside Road were thought to be related to a smoldering dispute between apartment complexes.
•Sunday, November 24 7:31 a.m. A vehicle was entered and a camera and GPS unit stolen on lower G Street.
8 a.m. A camera and Ruger Mini-14 Sugar Ranch rifle were stolen from an unlocked car on Wilson Street.
11:45 a.m. Someone complained about Big Al and his arfing dog at 17th and G streets.
12:34 p.m.
A formerly peaceable morning
Was shattered by bongos aborning
Police made connections
Percussory section
Was quieted down with a warning
1:36 p.m. A man in a kayak on the water near the Wildlife Sanctuary was reported shooting birds out of the sky and not retrieving them.
3:49 p.m. A woman in a red sweatshirt let her dog romp off leash at the Marsh, with lots of other dogs also roving untethered in the area.
