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Police Log
Slovenly Slobs Seek Succor In Slumpabout Settlements – January 31, 2012
5:49 p.m. Four men in “army clothing” mustered in front of H Street businesses, their duties consisting mainly of smoking and drinking. »
Micro-Diabolical Maneuvers Liberate Laundry Change – January 24, 2012
4:45 p.m. After a teen shoplifter failed to steal poppy seeds from an I Street store, a parent was called for the sad ride home. »
’Cause Everyone Is Rock ’Em-Sock ’Em Robots – January 18, 2012
7:29 p.m. Roommate relations on Chester Avenue took a slight dip when someone pulled a knife during an argument over broken computer equipment. A router and “coffee hopper” were further damaged during the squabble. »
Skeezy Forebears Complicate Life For Today’s Scruffy-But-Upstanding – January 10, 2012
8:32 p.m. Three men of adventure on the Plaza announced bold plans to pee on the McKinley statue for unfathomable purpose. Police poured out their liquor, told them to stop smoking and head on out, leaving McKinley non-moisturized. »
Drunk’s Airs And Graces Fail Tavern Toilet Standard – December 26, 2011
5:41 p.m. An F Street resident kicked her roommate, injuring her own foot. She went to the ER. »
Goo-Droozling Hippie Van Fouls Creek On Flimsy Premise, Man – December 21, 2011
11:59 p.m. A 10th Street parking lot owner complained of freewheeling peeing, the urine donors becoming feisty when confronted over their hydrological promiscuity. »
Vulgarians Meld Into Loonscape – December 12, 2011
8:48 p.m. It took a week for a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship to evolve from sweetness and light to hysteria and police involvement. »
We’ll Always Have Bongos – December 3, 2011
10:33 p.m. Someone shoved a pregnant woman at Ninth and H streets, but maybe he had a good reason. »
Cannabis Perma-Cloud Traced To Plaza Stoner Vortex – November 29, 2011
12:27 p.m. An argumentative sort of fellow was reported walking toward the center of the Plaza. He should have been easy to spot, given his distinguishing characteristics: a backpack and long hair. »
Stash-Sucking Dashboard Repels Inveiglers – November 18, 2011
4:08 p.m. A man with a bullhorn was reported annoying customers at a G Street bank while effecting a global shift in consciousness. »
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