Can’t we think more creatively than fences, Arcata? »
Police Log
Arcata Police Log: Obstreperous Oaves Briefly Engage Grog-Sodden Prefrontal Cortexes, But Only To Throw A Bottle At That Lady
• Thursday, March 28 10:42 a.m. Yak Man and his diminutive companion argued at a passing jogger before being admonished. One must greet the yakherders with extreme courtesy and caution as they go about purifying Arcata. »
Arcata Police Log: Weirdo Scours Nowhere For Thereness
9:19 p.m. A man stood outisde a Samoa Boulevard business with his pants down, opening and closing his car door. He told police he was waiting for a ride. »
Arcata Police Log: Practitioners Of The Howling Arts Blurt And Bluster Across The Landscape
3:57 p.m. A man out back of a Valley West shopping center may have been drunk and aggressive toward customers, but at least he peed on the dumpster. »
Arcata Police Log: Dough Boy And Zig Zag Drive A Dude Mental
11:45 p.m. A bearded ’n’ beanied man fled a Uniontown variety store with the succulent innards of a wine box – the plastic bladder of vino. Caught, arrested, banished and jailed. »
Arcata Police Log: Expediency And Self-Centeredness Guide Majority Of Human Activity
• Thursday, January 23 11:17 a.m. A Chihuahua skittered about 11th and M streets, and that lady couldn’t catch it. »
How Does “Use My Car Around Town” Come Through As “Sell My Car In San Diego?”
9:10 a.m. A long-haired man in a jean jacket and rubber boots was seen releasing domestic ducks into Klopp Lake, a violation. Another citizen on scene said the man had let the ducks out to get water – apparently some sort of necessity for ducks – then “boxed them up” and left. »
Arcata Police Log: Wronged, They Yearned To Confront Their Antagonists, But It Was Not To Be
11:45 a.m. Every day, a man shows up to “guard the front door” of a suspected Ariel Way grow house. »
911 Mistaken For Rapid-Response Cigarette-Lighting Service
4:42 p.m. Three snoopgaloots – those being slithy toves who forego cover of darkness and do their hunting for fungible items in cars during daytime – were reported rooting around in a Valley West motel parking lot. The caller opinied that the three were “no strangers to speed.” They wandered off before police arrived. »
The Joys Of Wandering In Traffic
12:21 p.m. A friendly old tabby cat was found with a blow dart lodged in its chest on Baldwin Street. It was taken to a veterinarian and is expected to recover. »
Arcata Police Log: Wandering Zomboid Goes Slo-Mo Vogueing In Mini-Mart Parking Spot
7:13 a.m. A woman explained to police that she was being stalked by spirits and Kevin Federline. »
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