Police Log

How Does “Use My Car Around Town” Come Through As “Sell My Car In San Diego?”

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

9:10 a.m. A long-haired man in a jean jacket and rubber boots was seen releasing domestic ducks into Klopp Lake, a violation. Another citizen on scene said the man had let the ducks out to get water – apparently some sort of necessity for ducks – then “boxed them up” and left. »

Arcata Police Log: Wronged, They Yearned To Confront Their Antagonists, But It Was Not To Be

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

11:45 a.m. Every day, a man shows up to “guard the front door” of a suspected Ariel Way grow house. »

911 Mistaken For Rapid-Response Cigarette-Lighting Service

Saturday, February 9, 2013

4:42 p.m. Three snoopgaloots – those being slithy toves who forego cover of darkness and do their hunting for fungible items in cars during daytime – were reported rooting around in a Valley West motel parking lot. The caller opinied that the three were “no strangers to speed.” They wandered off before police arrived. »

The Joys Of Wandering In Traffic

Monday, February 4, 2013

12:21 p.m. A friendly old tabby cat was found with a blow dart lodged in its chest on Baldwin Street. It was taken to a veterinarian and is expected to recover. »

Arcata Police Log: Wandering Zomboid Goes Slo-Mo Vogueing In Mini-Mart Parking Spot

Friday, January 25, 2013

7:13 a.m. A woman explained to police that she was being stalked by spirits and Kevin Federline. »

Arcata Police Log: Tell You What, Keep The Porn But Don’t Come Back

Saturday, January 19, 2013

12:45 p.m. A woman reported her landlords having entered her home without permission while she was away. Nothing was missing or disturbed, and there was no evidence of a crime, but the intrusive landlords “act” like they have been in her place. »

Arcata Police Log: Arcata Devolves Into A Race Of Hunter-Gatherer Slithy Tove Scavengers

Sunday, January 6, 2013

6:48 a.m. A woman called 911 from the hospital. Asked if she had a life-or-death emergency, she said no, she just wanted to know what time it was. She was told to ask someone at the hospital. »

Minion-Beleagured Whingey McNuisance Unclear On The Concept Of 911 – December 30, 2012

Sunday, December 30, 2012

12:44 p.m. A man in an orange sweatshirt was reported walking in circles at 14th and H streets. »

There Was Something Odd About That Bear-Eared, Spitting, Puppynapping Druggie – December 22, 2012

Saturday, December 22, 2012

5:17 p.m. The one-wayness of the streets in the couplet at Foster, Eastern and Western avenues is not universally observed. One pedestrian reported that he always confronts cheaty-sneaky drivers on Foster Avenue who blaspheme traffic calming religion by not going The One True Way. »

Ridonkulousness, Duly Quoted – December 16, 2012

Sunday, December 16, 2012

9:31 a.m. A man with a heavy Slavic accent called a Spring Street resident, telling her she had won a large sum of money. When questioned, Mr. Peggy hung up, throwing the phone call’s entire premise into doubt. »