Can’t we think more creatively than fences, Arcata? »
Police Log
Morose Mr. McKinley Unleashes His Glower Power – October 28, 2012
6:10 p.m. As a woman made her way across the Plaza to work, a non-gentleman unveiled his ghastly reproductive equipment, providing fellow slouchabout-sophisticators a moment of hilarity. »
A Ceiling/Floor Stompadour’s Hateful-Heavy Footfalls – October 21, 2012
2:37 a.m. A man complained that neighbors in Apt. 6 wouldn’t let him bring home his gal-pal to Apt. 2. The meddlesome neighbors were said to be “acid heads” who “are all tripping.” Eventually he was able to overcome the psychedelic embargo and bring the girlfriend inside. »
Mortality Forecast Accurate, If Contextually Inappropriate – October 15, 2012
4:17 p.m. A suspected trimming operation in a Union Street apartment stank up the local area, annoyingly entingling neighborly nostrils. »
Meth Binge Aftermath Something Of A Letdown – October 10, 2012
• Friday, August 31 10:22 a.m. A deranged raccoon was reported on West End Road, disoriented, walking in circles and trying to climb a pole. »
Torpor Temporarily Tempers Testosterone-Tinged Tempests – September 30, 2012
• Saturday, August 25 2:28 a.m. After a wholly unnecessary contretemps at a relatively mellow Plaza bar, a drunk wandered down the donut shop alley to a parking lot, where he was tased and cuffed. »
Booze-Woozed Brainpans Basted In Belligerence – September 24, 2012
9:26 a.m. A bearded man was reported pacing back and forth on Eye Street, looking “sketchy.” The free-prance artist wasn’t framed for canvassing the 'hood, but was identified and asked to draw his attention elsewhere. »
Roadway Wallowers Practice Transcendental Medication – September 16, 2012
7:37 p.m. A gyre of hobos, guitars, puppies, yelling and smoky emissions engulfed an alley off downtown H Street. Police dispersed a tatter of travelers. »
Freelance Foot-Fondler Foments Falsehoods – September 8, 2012
11:17 a.m. Last year’s podiatrist-without-portfolio has re-emerged, his enduring mission: to fondle the feet of women in Valley West. He’d importuned women to massage their feet using various ruses in the past, and now had a new one. He’d attended some classes at a reflexology center without formally enrolling in the course, but now... »
Man Says ‘Hi’ – September 3, 2012
4:35 p.m. An L.K. Wood Boulevard resident complained that his neighbor was strewing trash in front of his house and drizzling milk down the windows, actions which he interpreted as possible harassment. An officer spoke to the neighbor, who said he would strive to get along with the neighbor, presumably sharing no more cream... »
Melvin-Rich Scenario Collapses – August 18, 2012
9:34 p.m. A man seen peeing on the wall behind a Northtown restaurant was asked to leave. He sort of complied, but seemed unready to make the emotional break with his urine, and just went around the block and came back to further dwell in the vapors of the acrid plume and process his... »
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