Hitcher’s Nethers Evacuate Onramp – May 26, 2010

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

• Monday, April 25 7:31 p.m. When a utility wire dropped too low at Grant Avenue and Eye Street, public safety personnel responded and one nearby resident decided to involve himself in the event to an unhelpful degree. As cable TV techs were summoned, the problem neighbor was advised to stay indoors.

7:41 a.m. Illegal Community Forest campers aren’t accustomed to waking up to a friendly ranger bearing a ticket book and, if warranted, handcuffs.

10:31 a.m. A pit bull bit someone at 27th Street and Alliance Road.

12:55 p.m. A big ol’ John Deere vehicle chugged smokily northbound on Janes Road, raising the ire of another motorist who kinda likes to breathe. She called police, but so did the tractor driver, who said she had been following and threatening him. Police met with everyone at a Heindon Road restaurant parking lot, determined that there were no violations and admonished the disputants to calm down.

• Thursday, April 28 10:06 a.m. A Fun Bunch mid-morning celebration of life and beer got “out of hand” behind the propane yard.

• Friday, April 29 1:35 a.m. Not the best time to use a rowing machine in an upstairs apartment.

1:54 a.m. A wrong-way driver on G Street was arrested on a DUI charge.

1:20 p.m. A youth who’d been in trouble before was taken into custody after allegedly shoplifting at a Valley West shop.

3:42 p.m. Someone stole a small, one-burner propane stove from a traveler’s backpack.

4:22 p.m. A Bayside Road resident reported someone apparently glomming on to her DSL service via Wi-Fi.

4:51 p.m. One of the more oblivious strains of skate punk took up both lanes of Fickle Hill Road while weaving downhill. When honked at, the kid raised his middle finger in response.

11:24 p.m. A woman complained that she had loaned her credit card to her ex-boyfriend so he could buy her a cell phone or laptop computer. Instead, he bought himself a $500 cell phone and kept it for himself.

• Saturday, April 30 4:06 a.m. After a Jay Street party, someone peed in a neighboring yard.

10:20 a.m. Someone complained about 20 or so naked people at a Jay Street house. An officer got them to agree to put their tops on.

12:45 p.m. It was one thing when a car was egged on 16th Street a few weeks previous. But when someone broke a bottle against it causing $712.37 in damage, the owner called police.

• Saturday, May 1 12:42 a.m. A man called concerned about his roommate, who had gone to pick up some items at a market located at westernmost 11th Street. After an hour, when the roommate didn’t return, the guy went looking for him. He found the store eerily empty, but saw the roommate’s bicycle leaning up against the checkout counter. He then called out for an employee, but got no response. Returning home, increasingly puzzled citizen called the store and instead of Rod Serling, an employee answered. But when he asked about his roommate and the bike, the employee “promptly” hung up. Police were called and they located the roommate apparently unharmed. Further details are not documented, leaving a rather delicious mystery.

3:18 a.m. A Buttermilk Lane resident reported three male-types rolling a large object up the street. When the resident turned on the light and went outside, the three scrambled into the car and took off, leaving the item behind. Police found it to be a generator taken from a nearby hardware store.

6:27 p.m. Three teenage hitchhikers at L.K. Wood Boulevard and 14th Street freeway onramp may or may not have enhanced their chances at getting a ride when one lifted his shirt and licked his nipple, then unveiled his nether nozzle. These acts apparently scattered the populace, as no one was there when police arrived.